Submitted by Anita Bryant on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 20:53.
New research in psychology is using groundbreaking technology like MRI and fMRI. Given that -- do you know what Sigmund Freud would be doing if he was alive right now?
Submitted by chocolateface on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 22:26.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, ''Ugh, that's
the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the back of the
bus and sits down, angry. She says to a man next to her, ''The driver
just insulted me!'' The man says, ''You go up there and tell him off! Go
on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
Submitted by Swollen Goods on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 04:16.
Rabbi Goldbergstein is walking along the street and sees a dirty, homeless urchin playing in the gutter with something.
He approaches the boy and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm making a Catholic sir!" says the boy as he holds up a piece of dog shit in his hands.
"Don't go anywhere son, I'll be right back!" says the Rabbi. He shuffles off to see his friend Father O'Reilly, the Irish Catholic priest and tells him there is an orphan in dire need of the church's benevolence. Suppressing a smile he directs the Father to the boy who is just where he left him earlier.
The Rabbi says "little boy, tell us again what you're doing in the gutter".
The boy holds up the dogshit and says "I told you sir, I'm making a Catholic!".
Outraged, the Priest screams at the boy "How could you be doing such a thing!?!?!!"
To which the boy replies " I didn't have enough shit to make a Jew".
Submitted by porntrawler on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 10:31.
here you go, some wholesale copy & paste:
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .” Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair".
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "You’re obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral, he died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
Comments
who's there?
lol, sorry, but i had to :D
no one expects a nun riding a unicorn
I'm gonna vote for Obama.
Michelle Obama.
Clawing at the inside of his coffin.
The main road is closed, so the first nun turns onto a side route.
Second nun says to the first, "I've never come this way before."
First nun says, "Must be the cobblestones."
.
A toilet is WC
a bachelor is singleyousee
Rabbi Goldbergstein is walking along the street and sees a dirty, homeless urchin playing in the gutter with something.
He approaches the boy and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm making a Catholic sir!" says the boy as he holds up a piece of dog shit in his hands.
"Don't go anywhere son, I'll be right back!" says the Rabbi. He shuffles off to see his friend Father O'Reilly, the Irish Catholic priest and tells him there is an orphan in dire need of the church's benevolence. Suppressing a smile he directs the Father to the boy who is just where he left him earlier.
The Rabbi says "little boy, tell us again what you're doing in the gutter".
The boy holds up the dogshit and says "I told you sir, I'm making a Catholic!".
Outraged, the Priest screams at the boy "How could you be doing such a thing!?!?!!"
To which the boy replies " I didn't have enough shit to make a Jew".
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .” Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair".
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "You’re obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral, he died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
http://www.instantrimshot.com/classic/?sound=rimshot
Well he forgot the safe-word.
What did the Roman centurion say to Christ?
"If you drop that thing one more time, you're out'a this parade!"
How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
How do you know a hippie's on her period?
She's only wearing one sock.
What's the worst part about having sex with a hippie?
The herpes.